The subtle world of human feelings and emotions in the Russian language is described by a huge number of words, terms, epithets and comparisons, magnificent metaphors. In such a variety it is easy to get lost and start to misinterpret some concepts. For example, you can often hear a call not to offend people, but what is resentment? How to determine in advance whether an act or a phrase spoken aloud will cause a negative? And what kind of feeling will they evoke? Let's figure it out together.
Feelings and negative reactions
Negative emotions arise regardless of our desire, this is a property of human nature. However, experts say that the first negative reaction of the baby is anger, and not resentment at all. Children learn to be offended a little later, when they can already distinguish the nuances of mood. Already on the basis of the experience gained, the child can be explained that it is better not to offend other children, animals, mom and dad.
The danger lies in the fact that negativeemotions often become both a subject of manipulation and a weapon. No one likes it when, because of him, someone falls into sadness, into melancholy and despondency, experiences anger or rage. Therefore, the threat “I will be offended by you” becomes very effective. At the same time, one can often hear the requirement “do not be offended” literally in an ultimatum form. This is another kind of manipulation, literally a message: “Your negative emotions make me uncomfortable and spoil my mood, I don’t care what you feel, stop disturbing my space and put on a nice face.”
Direct link between resentment and injustice
If you impartially evaluate the feelings arising from some unpleasant events, deprivation of material or emotional resources, then you can draw a clear line. Resentment occurs if a person is unfairly deprived of something, not given, although they promised, or in other similar cases. If this happened in fairness, then you can be upset, sad, sad.
This is the meaning of the phrase “do not offend with money”, that is, do not deprive, pay in full, so as not to cause negative feelings. It turns out that the lack of justice with a lack of some resources determines whether the emerging feeling is considered an insult or is it a different emotion, although similar in direction.
An opportunity to make things right
Another criterion by which you can more accurately determine the nuances is the ability to somehow change the result. As a rule, a person feels resentment when not only isunfair, and there's nothing to fix. If the situation can be reconsidered, then you can make a complaint or reproach - as a call to correct the result in favor of a more honest and correct one.
When someone urges "don't hurt me", it often means "don't treat me unfairly, don't deprive me". The danger here is the unspoken expectation that the other person will empathize, read minds, or miraculously guess right and act exactly as expected.
Any successful coincidence of tastes and intentions is regarded as good will and a conscious act. Establishing such a relationship is not difficult, it is enough to get used to voicing your expectations. It should be borne in mind that the other person may have their own plans and intentions, and in most cases no one is obliged to adapt to other people's dreams.
How not to offend people?
Is there a universal rule that allows you to pass for a good person? We very often offend other people, while completely without malicious intent. There are several common misconceptions here that can seriously harm your life.
First of all, this is an attempt to present their subjective views as the only truth. “No one offends you that you pouted?” - and the girl is really offended at the same time, and it is unlikely that she can do something about it if she is unfairly and irrevocably deprived of something, that is, you can’t fix it.
On the other hand, experiencing negative feelings just becausethat someone does not meet some speculative standards is a personal matter for everyone. But putting such responsibility on someone else's shoulders, to put it mildly, is ugly. In order not to become a chronic offender, it is worth remembering the basic rule: do not do to another person what you do not want yourself. This is usually sufficient.
Quality of personality: no offense
Positive qualities that you want to see not only in other people, but also in yourself are kindness, responsiveness, generosity and attentiveness. At the same time, not being an offender is also very valuable, it maintains a he althy and upbeat mood in the social circle. If you feel resentment when you unfairly do not get good, but get bad, and this is irreparable, then in controversial situations it is better to put yourself in the place of an interlocutor or partner. Ask yourself the question: “How would I react?”. This helps to develop empathy and be more sensitive to friends and loved ones. Do not offend each other, life is already unfair.
