Communication with people occupies an important place in our lives. Without it, love and family relationships, friendship, work, business would not be possible. As a rule, people who master the skill of constructive communication achieve great success in their personal and professional lives. But how do you learn to communicate constructively? What does the concept of "constructive conversation" actually mean? You can find answers to these and other questions in our article.
What is a construct?
In order to understand what a constructive conversation means, you first need to know the meaning of the word "constructive". A constructive is actions or reactions that are aimed at solving problematic tasks, normalizing relations and improving a difficult situation. The opposite of constructive is destructive. If a person usesprofanity, insults, baselessly accuses other people (that is, engages in activities that take time and lead to nothing) - this is destructive.
Constructive conversation: the meaning of the word
Often we communicate with people in order to have fun, have a good time and share our joys and experiences. But what to do in the case when we are faced with a difficult task that requires a competent solution? In such situations, a constructive conversation comes to the rescue, which makes it possible to find a mutually beneficial solution and suggests a direction to achieve a particular goal. Many mistakenly believe that constructive communication is necessary only in professional activities. In fact, it plays an important role in family relationships as well. It is unlikely that you will be able to solve the problem of your family member if you resort to destructive conversation techniques.
What is the difference between constructive dialogue and normal conversation?
We think you already roughly understand what a constructive conversation or dialogue means. But this raises another question: how does constructive communication differ from ordinary communication? Well, let's try to figure it out.
The main difference in these concepts lies in the purpose for which the conversation is being conducted, and, of course, in the style of the conversation itself. The essence of a constructive conversation lies in the orderly finding of the truth that forms the worldview of a person. A conversation that has no purpose is ordinary chatter. Suchchatter is aimed only at the exchange of information between people. And this means that as a result of the dialogue, a person is left with only positive or negative emotions.
A characteristic feature of a constructive conversation is a mutual desire to reach an understanding, and until this goal is achieved, the interlocutors will continue to communicate. This means that upon completion of such a dialogue, a person's point of view on a certain issue should change.
Rule 1
Ordered and respectful communication is the foundation of a constructive conversation. People are able to openly discuss issues only if they see that the interlocutor is attentively involved in the conversation. Ridicule, shouting, sarcasm or banal inattention simply discourage the desire to communicate, and thus violate the main task of a constructive conversation - the search for a result that would suit both parties.
This is an extremely simple rule, which, unfortunately, is not always respected. Some may say: "I'm definitely not like that. I always listen to the interlocutor." Perhaps this is true. But "listening to the interlocutor" and "hearing the interlocutor" are completely different things.
Slightly below we will share with you other important rules that every person who wants to learn how to speak constructively needs to know.
Time Frame
The most important thing in solving a problem isits timeliness. Very often people start talking about what has already happened: "Yesterday you didn't take out the trash"; "You should have told me about it right after it happened"; "You should have brought this a week ago." Such phrases will not lead to a solution to the problem. They will lead to the fact that a person will start to get out and look for excuses.
Remember that the past cannot be changed. You can influence the present and the future. Talking about the past will be appropriate only when you analyze the mistakes that should be avoided in the future. For example, if your child does not do his homework on time, you first need to understand the root of the problem: did he not understand the task, did not have time because of being busy with other subjects, or simply did not want to do them? By identifying the root cause of the problem, you can prevent future problems.
The right choice of interlocutor
Subordinates discuss among themselves the decisions of their management: some are not satisfied with the reduction in the time allotted for lunch breaks, others are not satisfied with the air conditioner that does not work in the heat, others are not satisfied with the lack of a trash can in the office, etc. If they just discuss it among themselves, then in the end they will not achieve anything. With such questions, it would be more constructive to contact your superiors directly (if there is a specific proposal).
Using facts
Quite often we have to hear the following phrases: "You don't understand anything about this"; "I'm sure,that it will be more correct"; "I know better." On the one hand, a person wants to give weight to his opinion, but in reality such phrases are absolutely groundless and have no argumentation. It has already happened that people do not always know how to correctly use available facts.
For example, to the question: “Why should we fly to have a rest in the country "A" and not in the country "B"? the answer is: "Because I think so." This phrase is familiar to many couples. It's just not entirely clear what exactly the husband / wife means by this. Holidays in country "A" cheaper? Or is the nature and conditions better there? Never forget specifics and arguments!
Solve the problem, don't change the interlocutor
In life, many people very often try to change others for themselves. You need to try to get rid of such a trait as quickly as possible. Realizing that you are unlikely to be able to change another person can prevent a huge number of problems that may appear in the foreseeable future.
You have a specific task ahead of you. Consider the problem that we mentioned earlier - the child does not have time to do homework. In such a situation, you do not need to break your child and try to re-educate him in a rather rude way. A child may not do homework not only because he is a bully and a loafer. Maybe he's too busy training. Or, tutors take up a lot of his time, and because of this, he simply does not have time to work on other subjects. There is a possibility,that he simply does not understand this or that topic. As you can see, there can be many reasons. The main thing is to identify the problem and try to solve it.
Constructive criticism
Constructive conversation - what is it? We think we have already de alt with this issue. Now it's time to consider the concept of "constructive criticism", since it is inextricably linked with a constructive conversation. As you can already understand, constructive is a balanced and reasoned criticism, in which there are no insults and other signs of destructiveness.
If you want a person to take note of your comments and correct their mistakes, there should be no aggression in your criticism. On the contrary, the conversation should take place in a positive tone. Structure of constructive criticism:
- Praise.
- Criticize.
- Praise.
Now let's take a look at this with an example. Let's say you're the head of a department. One of your subordinates, who has never let you down before, failed to complete his work plan. Imagine that his name is Igor. How to act in such a situation?
- Start with a positive review. Example: "Igor, over the past months you have shown good results. Through hard work and perseverance, you have become one of the best employees in our department." Hearing such words of encouragement, your subordinate will be ready to discuss points that need to be improved.
- Discuss what needs to be changed and improved. Example: "At the same time, you still have roomgrow. You've only half completed your plan this month. Let's discuss what you can do to improve this figure next month."
- End the conversation on a positive note. Example: "I think with your abilities you won't have much trouble solving this problem."
On this we propose to end our article. Now you know what a constructive conversation means, and how to conduct it in your personal life and at work. We hope that our publication was interesting for you and you learned a lot of informative information!
