There are times when a person does not want to be alone. The reason for this can be different situations, from worries about a failed exam to more tragic events, such as the unexpected death of a loved one. In any case, from an overabundance of negative thoughts and feelings, a person begins to “burn out”. To get out of this state, he needs help.
One way to ease the grief of the victim is through condolences. What it is? How to offer condolences and what are they?
What is condolence?
Condolences are words that are spoken to a person in various difficult life situations related to him or his loved ones. For example, in case of serious illness or death. In other words, it is empathy, sympathy.
Condolences allow you to share the grief of the victim and reduce his psycho-emotional stress. Simple words will help even inif you don't see the point in them.
Meaning of the word
If you parse the term, you get "condolence", or "joint illness". After all, grief can also be considered a disease. Often it spreads no worse than infectious diseases. But grief suffered together affects the psycho-emotional state of each person less than when it is experienced alone.
Views
Condolences can be expressed in two forms.
- Written. A more formal look, one might say, demonstrative. Such condolences are typical for companies, bosses and politicians. Often, along with a sympathetic letter, some kind of material gift is given to the victims, for example, money or a certificate for treatment.
- Oral. This type of condolence is more familiar, it does not require special preparation. Nevertheless, in most cases it is more significant than written. Is it possible to convey through paper all those emotions that cover you at the sight of someone else's grief? Words are one of the most powerful soul medicines available to man.
Why offer condolences?
A person in whose life something terrible has happened can be shocked and shocked. For him, everyday life has been turned upside down, and now he needs to find something familiar to keep his sanity.
Of course, expressed condolences will not restore peace of mind to the victim, but it can show a person that there are other people who share his grief. howit is known that happiness from separation multiplies, and misfortune melts.
It is very important to express your condolences to the family of the victim, even if they are not as shocked as he is. The fact is that relatives help the grieving person the most, which is also very difficult.
Don't be shy or afraid to express your feelings and thoughts. It is better to say that you share the grief of a person than to leave him alone with negative emotions. Condolence is one of the ways to support in a difficult situation.
When is the right time to express condolences?
You can express your willingness to share someone else's grief in different situations.
- When a person faced death. Condolences in this case are especially important. They allow you to show that a person experiencing a loss is not alone. Moreover, condolences are expressed on the occasion of the death of both a loved one and a beloved pet.
- A person has learned that he or his loved one has an incurable disease. In this case, you should be extremely careful, because the wrong words can make a person depressed. Try to cheer him up, but do not focus on the approaching death. Jokes are inappropriate here, as they can hurt the victim.
- Injury due to injury or illness can cause developing depression. Gentle encouragement will definitely help in this situation.
- Missed promotion, parting with a loved one, bad news that a person is going through hard,are also reasons for expressing condolences.
Support will be necessary for a person in any situation that worsens his mood and which does not depend on him directly. Don't be stingy with words if your friend feels bad: difficulties are always easier to deal with if the person is not alone.
Rules of Empathy
Condolences are special phrases that must be pronounced in accordance with the rules.
- Don't smile. Remember that the other person feels bad.
- Too mournful look can also resemble a mockery. Don't fake emotions. If the grief of another does not cause you sympathy, then limit yourself to words of support.
- Jokes are inappropriate. Even if you think they can cheer you up, it's best to refrain.
- If you can offer any help, please do so. It does not matter whether it is finances or assistance in household chores. By your actions, you will show the victim that he is not alone.
- You should be careful when expressing condolences to a sick person. Your words may remind him of his illness.
- If in response to the words of sympathy you get aggression, then you should not continue this line of behavior. Everyone deals with grief differently, it's best to let the person speak.
Death condolences
Death is always scary. In any case: whether a person met her in his family or saw her on the street. It should be remembered that questions of death often concernreligions, so words of condolence for the deceased may not be appropriate in some denominations or countries.
For example, in Mexico they don't grieve about death: the inhabitants there are sure that after death a person continues to live in another world. And expressed condolences can be met with misunderstanding, because for them the departed relative found happiness. So it is better to at least superficially familiarize yourself with the religion of the deceased and his family.
It is also worth remembering that you will bring condolences on the death to friends or family members of the deceased. Therefore, it is necessary to make the most soft speech or limit yourself to a few words. Too long statements can be misunderstood.
Epitaphs carved on a tombstone can also be considered as peculiar condolences on death. The problem is that often the tombstone is not made very large, or a lot of space is reserved for the photograph of the deceased. And you have to carefully compose one or two sentences that can accommodate all the experiences of living relatives.
If you don't know what to say, you can use ready-made phrases:
- Sorry for your loss, (name) was a wonderful person.
- I'm sorry this happened. Is there any way I can help you?
- I'm sorry this happened. The best always leave first.
- I sympathize with your grief. May the earth be (name) rest in peace.
Condolences for the failure
There are many things that happen in life, some of which can be veryhit on the psycho-emotional state of a person. Both his wallet and his house and family life may suffer. In any case, no one wants to be alone in moments of grief.
Failures are big and small. Nevertheless, any of them can seriously undermine the mental he alth of a person. Let's look at some examples of failures.
- Fire at the place of residence or work. Fire is always dangerous, and humanity is not in vain inventing new ways to deal with it. A person who encounters a fire may develop serious psychological problems up to the need for the intervention of a psychotherapist. Do not leave the victim alone, talk to him and express your condolences. Listening to the person is just as important.
- Lost position, denied promotion. People have different attitudes towards such phenomena. Some grieve, but some do not care. In any case, sympathy will not be superfluous.
- A lost trinket can cause real depression. Ask the person what the lost thing was dear to him, let him speak and cry if necessary. Condolences may be superfluous here, but you can help discover the loss.
- Dissolved marriage, broken relationship. Many people after these events begin to speak aggressively about their former partner. Sometimes this is real malice, other times it is an attempt to convince oneself that such a relationship was not needed. But a man needs to be heard.
Any little thing can piss you off. To understand if yourcondolences accepted, you need to be well versed in facial expressions of a person and at least superficially know him.
How to express sympathy in these cases? There are several suitable phrases:
- Everything happens in life, don't worry, everything will be fine.
- I'm sorry. How to cheer you up?
- You know, Solomon said, "This too shall pass," so everything will be all right.
- All bad things come to an end. The main thing is to wait out this moment. Let's go for a walk?
The main thing is to distract the sufferer from his experiences or, on the contrary, let him talk. A person almost always shows what exactly he needs.
Religious condolences
If you are sure of the choice of the confession of the victim or the deceased, then it would be useful to offer condolences in accordance with his religion. Perhaps it will be a small prayer or parting word, perhaps an excerpt from a religious book.
For example, for a Christian it will be possible to mention that you lit a candle in the temple for he alth. Just do not lie about this, because if the lie is revealed, then you can seriously ruin your relationship with this person.
In Islam, condolences can be expressed not only in words, but also in gestures, clothing, rituals. In order to determine exactly how to behave, you need to familiarize yourself with the scripture.
It should be borne in mind that religion can help even in the most difficult situation. Deeply religious people find solace in sacred texts that may be lacking inEveryday life. Even if you don't belong to any denomination, it's not nice to mock or loudly challenge another person's religious beliefs. And even more so, this should not be done in moments of his grief, when religion can be the only anchor that keeps the victim from rash actions.
A few simple condolence phrases:
- Everything is His will.
- He is merciful: after grief, joy will surely come.
- I feel for you. Perhaps you want to visit a church/mosque?
- Would you like to pray together?
Short condolences
If it seems to you that a long speech is necessary to accurately express your feelings, from which you are lost, then your judgment is wrong. Short condolences are just as sensual and emotional as long discussions.
In fact, a grieving person is not interested in your emotions and experiences. The fact is that with negative impressions, the human brain first of all saves itself. He has neither time nor resources for others.
So a simple "I'm sorry" might be more than enough. The most important thing is to show the victim that he is not alone in his grief. And long speeches would be completely inappropriate.
