Spoken words cannot be taken back, and actions performed can only be redone with an adjustment for the sediment in the form of regret. The meaning of this familiar word usually easily fits into the framework of a mandatory set of feelings experienced by a person dozens of times during the day. Annoyance due to loss, understatement, an extra word, parting, a dinner that I didn’t have time for, or time wasted in vain … In other words, an indicator of internal dissatisfaction about events that unfolded not according to our desire is the meaning of the word "regret".
On the nature of regret
A person's life, entirely, is subject to the factor of chance, invariably based on indirect errors. Why indirect? Because not all mistakes that seem to us as such, they are. The regret you feel is a momentary indication that your life is off course.
The process of creation launched inside each person acts with a delay. The impulses of the brain responsible for making a decision work faster than those controlling the analysis of the actions taken. Remember how many times you had to regret your words (deeds) literallya few seconds after your mouth has already responded with a verbal response, and motor skills automatically made a series of movements, obeying the impulse.
Based on what has been said and before we move on, the advice from psychologists is in the piggy bank: before reacting to a situation that requires a responsible decision, count inside yourself to three, making a concentrated sigh before the next number. It will take no more than 7 seconds, and what is regret about haste (the most common cause of this feeling) - you will almost forget.
Subconscious Prompt
Continuing the previous topic, we warn you against any special training or psychological attitudes that block the perception of disappointing situations. Eliminating the feeling of regret is like inoculating against the inoculation, that is, rejecting something sent to protect. There is no need to perceive a prick of conscience as some kind of attempt to disfigure existence with non-existent phantoms “what would happen if”.
Any action taken is for the good precisely because of the subsequent assessment in the form of satisfaction or regret. Determining the situation in fact is the intended purpose of these scales. Satisfaction is a point that can be put at the end of the process. Regret is always a call to continue. I didn’t have time, I couldn’t, I didn’t dare today - there is an opportunity to improve the situation tomorrow. Always take the opportunity to reconsider the nature of your annoyance, not to vent it - wear a tie to the next party, ifyesterday you were the only one without it, after all.
Poisonous life
Dangerous are regrets that cannot be brought to the “corrected” checkbox. These include the loss of a loved one with whom you were in a quarrel, or a missed opportunity that cannot be returned because another person took advantage of it. It is very difficult, but necessary, and this regret, poisoning your life, to put aside in memory in the form of another checkmark in the log of your mistakes - “taken into account.”
There are always other loved ones by your side, and opportunities to improve life for the better are not given to us in the singular. If you constantly sigh only about what is missing, there is a risk of bringing yourself to a state of micromania - pathological suppression of the personality through self-abasement.
Remember that regret is not sent to us for constant looking back at it - it is an impulse brain process aimed at returning the subconscious to a comfortable state by correcting (analyzing) the actions taken.
Regret slowing down and regret developing
Learning to be aware of oneself - and this process can be attributed to one of the most difficult ones - it is important to note and fix in the mind the moments when the anxiety “something was done (said) wrong” arises. If your hasty nature, even when performing some action, begins to rush about, having lost emotional balance, then you can congratulate yourself - all you have to learn is just to create artificial pausesbetween making a decision and enforcing it (see above). Such a momentary reaction speaks of the liveliness of nature and close contact with the settings of intuition.
It is more difficult when awareness most often illuminates a person at the moment of a return reaction of an action, that is, a not too pleasing result. Regret in this case follows mechanically - it was necessary to do it differently, another time I will do it. Here, as it were, the assessment is present, and the perception is adequate, but cooperation with the subconscious is lost, the path to oneself is closed by a heap of logic and internal tightness. Of course, such regret is good for a person, but until he learns to listen to the state of inner balance, gross and tactless violations regarding his own life will haunt him constantly.
Flashing values
How to learn to make a correct assessment of the past so that it does not really torment you, but serves as the basis for a push forward? Reflash it regarding current events. You didn't go to college 10 years ago? If you still perceive this as a severe missed opportunity, there is always a chance to upgrade your education. But, most likely, you will remember how much you have done during this time and your current life is no worse than the one that would have developed if you had a diploma. It's time to let go of regretting it and accept failing that exam as an opportunity to avoid making some kind of mistake.
The main hook, thanks to which the negative side of our "I"affects us most effectively - the past. Its manipulations are endless, because memory is able to revive not only facts, but also the emotional background that accompanies them, even if the event itself is many years old. Remembering painful moments of shameful situations, we overturn consciousness, exhausting it with many details. He althy re-evaluation is blocked, all achievements that followed the events that caused shame are depersonalized and lose their significance.
What happens when the past gains power over the present, wrapping it in a web of regret? Psychological degradation of personality. Think about it.
Not succumbing to provocations
Below we provide step-by-step instructions, following which you can help the mind “push out” the negative associated with regrets. You should not take all these steps “automatically”, because the nature of regret is different.
- The essence of being uncomfortable is beyond control, so it's unwise to take the blame for events that have a random factor. Isolate from your feelings of guilt those situations that did not occur during the period of cold-blooded thinking.
- If the event, of course, is not 20 years old, find the strength to apologize to the people you voluntarily or unwittingly harmed. Don't make excuses! Self-justification is obviously self-burning out. If you are to blame, do not expect an apology: let go of regret about this as a message into space - you are free, which means you are invulnerable.
- Remove self-interest from your judgments - you don’t analyze a bribe once given so that the nextgive less. You are getting rid of the impurity of another person, which, by your will, fell on you.
- Cry, suffer, if you really want to. 10 minutes. Then look at the wet pillow, change the pillowcase and tell yourself that the emotional limit has been reached to experience this problem.
- Focus on the outcome - the situation was sent to you for something, and until you realize why, it will repeat itself again and again.
This might be interesting
But the introductory word "unfortunately" does not correspond to the meaning of all of the above. On its own or in conjunction with introductory combinations, it serves precisely as an excuse for the situation and nothing else: “Unfortunately, I …”, “We regret to inform you …”. At the same time, the interlocutor, as it were, offers us to share with him the emotional burden assigned to mitigate the negative tone.
It should be noted that this expression refers to "manipulators". It is often followed by a request that will be difficult for you to refuse.
