Folk wisdom says: "Treat people the way you would like to be treated." The meaning of this expression is quite simple and clear. If you expect something from a person, you must give yourself. So it is in family relationships. If you take care of family members, respect and accept them with all the pluses and minuses, then they will answer the same. And, on the contrary, constant reproaches and quarrels eventually destroy even once warm relations and lead to their disintegration. In the article, we will consider the norms of family etiquette.
What is this?
This is the name of the set of rules of behavior in various life situations. Often people seek to impress strangers with their ability to present themselves, conduct a conversation, refined manners and taste. However, when they come home, they forget about etiquette and behave at home as they please.
Actually first of allfrom the family, you need to start cultivating a cultural and respectful attitude towards people. Briefly, family etiquette is the basis of relationships, behavior, perception of the outside world. It is in the home environment that the formation of personality begins. Children from infancy copy the behavior of family members, adopt gestures, speech and manners. Observing the child, you can form an opinion about the atmosphere prevailing in the house, and the way of communication between people. Therefore, there are rules of family etiquette that allow you to learn how to behave with dignity and teach your children this.
Relationship between family and work relationships
Very often in society, people suppress their dissatisfaction and try to behave politely and courteously for their own benefit, for example, to maintain a normal relationship with colleagues, superiors, clients. And upon arrival home, they splash out the accumulated negativity on the household, believing that they should be accepted in the family with all the shortcomings. As a result, such a position leads to constant conflicts, reproaches and turns life into a real punishment. Everything becomes like a cycle. Quarrels in the family have a negative impact on the psyche, which, in turn, entails negative work. And if you do not correct this behavior and do not begin to observe the etiquette of family life, the matter will end in divorce.
Parenting starts within the family. You need to start small. Even such elementary words as "thank you", "please", "good morning", "have a nice day" and so on, carry a powerful energy message andsubconsciously set a person to positive.
Do I need to learn to control myself?
Most people think that loved ones will forgive and understand anyway. Personal failures, stress and depression result in rudeness and the habit of lashing out at children and relatives. However, few people think that every rude word spoken in a fit of anger especially hurts a loved one. Of course, at first, such behavior is justified by family members, but sooner or later, failure to follow the rules of family etiquette cracks the relationship.
The ability to control oneself not only in public, but also at home makes it possible to build strong intra-family relationships. Over time, a person develops good habits, he is less prone to stress and neuroses, he becomes well-mannered and courteous. In principle, family etiquette is a set of rules for behavior at the table, in communication, on a walk, in a store, and even in intimate relationships.
How to build relationships with parents?
It is important to teach a child to respect adults from childhood. And this applies not only to relations with relatives, but also to strangers. Family etiquette for children should become immutable and binding law. In relationships with parents, respect should be a priority. This is where personal example plays an important role. How warmly parents treat the grandparents of the kids, so a solid foundation will be built for the future relationship of their own children, as they see everything and subconsciously adopt the behavior.
Even if there are no children yet, friends, acquaintances and close people form their opinion about a person by observing his attitude towards his parents. Family etiquette for schoolchildren suggests that at the celebrations the older generation is offered a place of honor, it is quite natural to open the door in front of them, give way, give a hand. In no case should you raise your voice against the people who raised and raised these children. In Eastern countries, parents are addressed with "You", in this way showing their respect.
What should a family conversation be like?
The conversation between spouses and other family members should not be raised. Loud and imperious speech is not perceived by the interlocutor, but only sets you up for negativity. Any conversation should be conducted in a friendly tone with the appropriate intonation. Even the most ordinary request without the word “please” is perceived as an order and can provoke a quarrel. If you make a request, putting tenderness into it and accompanying it with a pleasant word, in addition to fulfilling it, the person will smile in response and both will remain in a good mood.
This is especially true for family etiquette for preschoolers. Toddlers should learn how to conduct a conversation correctly, not be offended, understand and fulfill the requests of older people. And when they grow up, they will have to pass this experience on to the next generation.
What to do if a quarrel could not be avoided?
Any person evaluates the family in terms of the prevailing situation in it, the presence of conflicts or harmony and peace. Endless quarrels and showdowns exhaust people emotionally and physically. Therefore, the next time another scandal is brewing, you need to decide for yourself how appropriate it is and try to avoid a tense situation.
Every quarrel has consequences, even if they are not always visible. In a fit of emotion, people tend to rashly utter phrases that, most often, later regret. But once heard a word can firmly sit in the opponent's brain and poison the rest of his life. It is important to follow the basic rules of family speech etiquette. This can help prevent tensions from escalating.
They are:
- You can prevent a quarrel if you just give in. At the same time, it is good to accompany reconciliation with the words: “Sorry, I was wrong (a)”, “I'm sorry”, and not just defiantly turn around and leave.
- Families with children should remember that any conflict between parents is not the best way to reflect on their psyche. If such a situation has occurred, you need to talk with the child, smoothing out the unpleasant impression.
- Don't show offense or hide evil. It corrodes the soul.
- During a conversation, do not raise your voice or shout. We must try to resolve everything peacefully, without insults.
How to deal with the bad traits of one of the spouses?
As a rule, habits are formed over the years and an adult has his own established ideas about what is acceptable for him and what is not. Therefore, it is necessary to deal with harmful traits very courteously, choosing the right place and time.
In no case should you make commentspublicly, constantly pulling at a person, showing irritation and, even more so, raising his voice or ridiculing. Such behavior humiliates a person, because even a neat remark in front of others is a blow to pride.
At the same time, attempts to ignore sooner or later lead to irritation. Over time, the negative will accumulate, and when the cup of patience overflows, it will focus not so much on the bad habit as on the person himself.
What to do in this case? First you need to make a list of bad habits that irritate your partner, which you can’t put up with. Then ask him to make the same list for himself. Thus, the partner will not feel humiliated, and the process of self-education for both will be painless. Surely the result will be successful, because everyone wants to improve not only in their own eyes, but also in those around them. After that, any remark made in private is perceived differently. In family life, there will be another common goal that will unite the spouses.
Comments should be made at the right time, in a non-intrusive or joking manner. For example, a spouse bites his nails, bring him scissors with the words: "So you will get smoother." In each situation, you can find an individual approach and a way to deal with the habit, while maintaining a warm relationship.
How should you behave with relatives and loved ones?
Carelessness in dealing with relatives is unacceptable. First of all, sheindicates a bad upbringing and in many ways characterizes a person. Few people like to be ridiculed and considered ignorant.
It is the ability to behave in a narrow family circle that is a kind of indicator of a person's good manners. If polite communication at home is the norm for a person, he will never get into a mess or an awkward situation while in society. And most importantly, a well-mannered, respectful family man is respected among his relatives and is a source of pride and respect for them.
Do not wash dirty linen in public
Another important aspect of family relations is a way to resolve conflict situations. Everyone has misunderstandings and disagreements. However, sharing them with friends, relatives and, especially, colleagues in the service, is not worth it. By denigrating your partner in the eyes of others, nothing will be achieved. Interpersonal problems should be resolved without the intervention of parents, children or other people.
The same goes for the behavior of parents. Family etiquette prescribes to behave with restraint. You should not climb into the family of children, they are adult self-sufficient people who are able to figure out the situation themselves, and they have nothing to do with other people's opinions. If the child asks for advice, it should be expressed as delicately as possible. In the end, the relationship between the spouses will improve, and the negative judgments and criticism from the parents will remain in the memory.
Respect
Showing attention and care to the people you love and appreciate is not at all difficult. But often, succumbing to emotions, a person admitsmistakes and everything doesn't turn out the way you wanted.
The concept of "respect" contains a lot. This means respecting personal space, turning a blind eye to shortcomings, taking into account the opinion and taste of a person, providing a choice, etc. Unfortunately, it is often on close people that all the negativity falls, and a polite address is addressed exclusively to strangers.
Mutual respect is the basis of normal family relationships, which makes living together happy.
The traditional Korean family etiquette is very indicative in this regard. In this country, people of the older generation are very kind. Their desires are fulfilled without objection, they are the first to start the meal and the first to finish, the child will never allow himself to speak in a disrespectful tone.
Private space
No matter how big and friendly the family is, each member has the right to privacy and the inviolability of their belongings. Naturally, everywhere there are their own rules, however, everyone is obliged to follow the simplest rules of family etiquette. For example, one should knock on the door before entering. This is especially important for families with puberty children.
Don't judge or criticize the hobbies of your loved ones (musical preferences, movies and books, hobbies). It's good when everyone can make time for their passion at least one day a week, even if others do not like it.
Fathers and Sons
One of the most commonthe causes of conflicts is the residence of young people and their parents in the same living space. The main advice to spouses is to respect the older generation. It is worth listening to people who are more experienced and wish good. If this is not possible, then at least do not argue and avoid quarrels.
For some people, calling a spouse's parents mom or dad can be difficult. In such cases, according to etiquette, they are addressed by name and patronymic and by all means “You”.
In turn, parents of young people should take care of their lives and try to interfere less in the families of their children. If, for example, guests came to them, it is enough to say hello and leave, and not take an active part without asking for it. Politeness and tact will help maintain family relationships.
Children's etiquette, self-education
Whatever moral principles and foundations are instilled in a child, he will behave like members of his family. If a parent sees flaws in the upbringing of children and wants to correct them, you need to start with yourself.
When it is considered normal in a family to use foul language, drink alcohol and lead a wild life, since childhood, the child adopts this model of behavior, considering it the norm. The principle of child education is simple - if you want to raise a good person, become him yourself.
In addition, spending time together plays a special role in establishing a strong bond between parents and children. It is at a young age that a child needs parentalcare and attention. Most moms and dads work hard, explaining that they do it for the sake of the family. But it's still worth finding time for children. Joint walks, picnics, needlework and other leisure activities unite the family and contribute to a harmonious environment in it.
Primary consultations on the rules of family etiquette for children are given first as part of preschool education in kindergartens, and then in primary school. But the main burden in education still falls on the parents.
